Tears in Heaven

Heard this song on cheesy-at-the-pool-favorites at our resort near the end of the week, and felt profound gratitude for this week spent with my kids in such a beautiful spot.

Sure, there are things I was lacking this past week -- a partner to share the experience with, as well as the parenting -- and there were some things my kids were lacking this week -- their father; a partner of mine to whom they have bonded -- but I think I can speak for all of us when I say that having the time in Mexico together far exceeded the hard feelings about what was missing.

I guess you could say I feel that way overall about my life. Getting divorced has been hard on all of us, there's no question about that. And watching how hard I've tried to put back together a family of four for myself and my kids, I'm in awe of the power of that desire.

But reading this story of loss, and listening to this song about loss:

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...

I mainly feel profoundly grateful that these losses we've suffered are not deaths of loved ones. And I feel emboldened once again in my quest to pick myself up, dust myself off, and enjoy the love that is all around me. Not as it was, not as I dream it could be, but just exactly as it is.