This Year's Love

I usually have my kids on Wednesday nights but I didn't this evening so I decided to once again go to a Yin yoga class. Just before I left, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but I thought it might be the man I've been corresponding with on Tinder to whom I recently gave my phone number.

Lying in a pose for 3-5 minutes (which is what you do in a Yin yoga class), I thought about the prospect of talking to a man (who is a potential romantic prospect) on the phone. And the next thing I knew, tears were rolling down my face as I thought of when the New Englander and I first starting talking on the phone. We fell in love on the phone, before we spent any real time together in person. When I think back to that time, I can't think of any reason in the world why it shouldn't have worked out for us. It just doesn't make any sense to me, and I still find it sad. Little by little I am letting myself feel the sadness and letting it go, just as I did tonight. Because if there's one thing I learned from that relationship it's that I don't get to choose who I fall in love with and I don't get to choose if it works out or not, either.

This song came on during class just as I was drying my tears and telling myself that as hard as it is to put myself out there again and risk getting my heart broken the way it was the last time, I'm gonna do it:

This year's love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cause it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last

I hope I do fall in love again this year, and I join David Gray in feeling like it had better last, even if I know better than to think we have any control over it...