Iris

Forgive the flashmarks --Art by a UW professor

SUCH a great day today. Wow. From start to finish.

It started with a fun interaction with the man at the post office who asked me if I'd like anything else at the end of the transaction, to which I replied: "Nope, I believe you have met all of my needs this morning." He smiled: "It's been a long time since I've heard a woman say that."

I walked out with a spring in my step, grateful once again that my own lengthy period of having to meet so many of my own needs is coming to a close. Thanks Universe!

And then I got to spend 90 minutes talking with a UW Art professor who is an absolutely fascinating human being. I feel so fortunate to be in the role I'm in now, for which I am in part responsible for helping extend the impact of the brilliance of so many of our School of Education faculty. What a privilege!

The rest of my work day was productive in ways that I've needed it to be for a while but found elusive, and that's a feeling I have in general about my life right now. Like things are finally starting to fall into place. The vedic astrologer said that I am in a time of transition right now -- that there is a real sense of Before and After - that I now have the opportunity to slap a contract down in front of God with my childhood as collateral and demand a new life. And so I have.

I also got to go to yoga today with the one of my favorite teachers and a bunch of my favorite fellow yogis, where I just felt like more is possible in my body, with my body -- again, the same way I feel in my life right now. Which is a pretty great feeling.

Mind you, as I let all these fabulous feels come in, sometimes the hard ones come in too, as happened this morning during my yoga practice when I burst into tears during my sun salutations. I just remembered my Dad saying that he did not remember abusing me, but if it happened, he was deeply sorry and permanently ashamed. I feel that shame emanating from him, and I wish it wasn't there. I really do. Just not enough to take it on as I did before. And not enough to pretend it isn't there as I did for a very long time.

Perhaps this is why the armor is back, behind my heart, that went away a couple of weeks ago. I hoped it was gone for good, but I guess I should have known better. This cycle may well be lifelong -- protect myself here, open there, lather, rinse, repeat.

Finally, it is this song that has been on repeat on my inner ipod today. I love it when that happens -- not as a result of hearing a song externally -- but by tuning into my very own soundtrack:

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Isn't this what we all want? I wanted so desperately for my parents to know who I was, but they don't seem to hold that capacity.

Just one more reason I feel so incredibly fortunate to be in love with someone who truly knows who I am. It's such a great feeling!