Hello Stranger

I went to see Moonlight tonight at Sundance. I didn't know much about it, but I knew I needed to see it.

I wasn't wrong. As I watched this tale of a young boy growing up with a crackhead mother, and watched it get revealed that she had sexually abused him, and watched what that did to him -- the distance it created for him physically and emotionally from himself and others -- I saw the parallels to my own life. We didn't grow up in the same socioeconomic classes, which basically meant that there was much more cover for my parents than there was for his mother. People knew she was mistreating him. He didn't act like everything was great. But the repercussions were similar.

I also thought how, if my parents watched this movie, they wouldn't see the parallels. They would see something completely different from what they believe my childhood was like.

And when I watched as, once the young boy got older, he moved away from his mother, and then came to visit her at the rehab center which had become her home and place of work. When his mama saw him, she said the things that my parents haven't said and probably will never say:

"I done fucked it up. I done fucked it all up. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I didn't protect you. I didn't treat you right. I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me."

Even more than that, she left space for her son to feel however he wanted to feel toward her:

"You don't have to forgive me. You don't have to love me. You don't have to keep visiting me. But you have to know that I love you, and I'm so very sorry I wasn't a better mama."

I sat in the theatre, watching that, and cried, knowing I am doing what I need to do for myself right now, knowing that I've always done that, and that my parents are doing and have always done the same thing. The two pictures just don't add up like they did in the movie.

There was one man who could break through the lead character's walls, and the scene when he is reunited with him is so beautiful!

This was the song playing in the background:

(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby)
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop)
Hello stranger
(Ooh) It seems so good to see you back again
How long has it been?
(Ooh it seems like a mighty long time)
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby)
(Ooh) It seems like a mighty long time

Ohh, I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm so glad
(Ooh) You stopped by to say hello to me
Remember that's the way it used to be
Ooh, it seems like a mighty long time
Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby
Ooh, it seems like a mighty long time
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby)
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby) Ohh..
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby)
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby) Ahh yes I'm so glad
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby)
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby) You're here again
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby)
Ohh, If you're not gonna stay
(Ooh) Please don't tease me
Like you did before
Because I still love you so
(Ooh) Although
It seems like a mightly long time
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby)
(Ooh) It seems like a mighty long time
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby) Ohh,
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby) Ohh my my my my
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby)
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby)
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby) I'm so happy
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby)
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby) That you're here at last
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby)
(Shoo-Bop Shoo-Bop, my baby) Ohh...

And I felt a surge of gratitude for the man who managed to break down a lot of my walls, and after what seems like a mighty long time, is here again (or at least he was, and will be again soon)...