Release Me

Yes my friends, we're on one of them rolls at the moment, where a theme runs through numerous blog posts. Sometimes it takes more than one song and one day to give full expression to what I'm feeling, and this is one of those times.

So, in keeping with the theme, I woke up this morning with this song running through my head:

How many times have I tried to turn this love around?
I don't want to give up
But baby it's time I had two feet on the ground
Can you release me
Can you release me

I'd had a conversation with a friend earlier in the week about finally being ready to release the pain of the past, to stop, once and for all, engaging in this kind of thinking:

Now that you're gone I can't help myself from wondering
Oh, if you'd have come down from your high
Would we've been all right?

And instead, ask to be released:

Release me
Can you release me

Which, in my humble opinion, few have done as beautifully as Wilson Phillips does with these lyrics:

Come on baby, come on baby
You knew it was time to just let go
'Cause we want to be free
But somehow it's just not that easy

Come on Darlin', hear me Darlin'
'Cause you're a waste of time for me
I'm trying to make you see
That baby you've just got to release me

Release me
Release me

I'm not going back to you anymore
Finally my weakened heart is healing though very slow
So stop coming around my door
'Cause you're not gonna find
What you're looking for

They said it. Most of it. But they did miss one vital piece of the process, because it's not just about asking to be released or trying to convince or declare one's desire to be released.

It's also about releasing yourself, really letting go of all the old thinking and feelings that can hold one back years after a break-up. And that means replacing the old thoughts with new beliefs, which, for me, include my right to be guided by my heart and speak my truth with love. And when my truth isn't what the other person wants to hear, and sometimes it won't be, I needn't doubt that it is true for me, and I needn't wait for the other person to accept or validate my decision.

In some cases, I may just have to accept that that time won't ever come. I didn't feel capable of that acceptance for what feels like a long, long time.

But now I do.