Perfect Blue Buildings

It's hard to believe it's August already. I get a little sick of people saying that, but I have to admit that it is pretty astounding how quickly summer slips away.

It has been a good summer, overall, and the last couple of days I've had some alone time with my daughter, which has been really great. She helped my boyfriend and I celebrate two years to the day we met with a fun summer evening of riding bikes to a favorite local restaurant.

She even took this photo of the happy couple post margarita --
methinks my man wears the tequila better than I do!

The next day, which was yesterday, I heard these lyrics as I pedaled into work:

Said how am I gonna keep myself away?

How am I gonna keep myself away from me?

Keep myself away...

How am I gonna keep myself away from me?

Keep myself away...

How am I gonna keep myself away from me?

Which for me, really isn't the question at all. It's more a question of how I'm going to stay connected to myself. After years and years of practice, I'm really, really good at this part:

Gonna get me a little oblivion, baby,

And try to keep myself away from me.

But not as good at staying connected. I had a private yoga session with my teacher a couple of weeks ago, and he outlined a home practice for me. I know it is what I need to be doing, and in some sense I want to do what I need to be doing, but I just can't seem to show up for my practices. Even when I do the whole sequence, which isn't often, it feels like checking tasks off a list rather than really tuning in to myself: my body, my mind, my spirit. Why is that? Am I so afraid of what I'll find there? 

I've spent a fair amount of time reveling in my reclaimed love lately -- spent a really great weekend away together that I'll blog about soon -- but even that seems to be, at least in part, a way to check out of what is going on inside me -- and I haven't been willing to do the hard work of integrating my own needs with his needs and the needs of our relationship to the extent that I probably need to in order to stay connected to myself:

You got an attitude of everything I ever wanted.
I got an attitude of need.
So, help me stay awake, I'm fallin'...

Nope, it's nobody's job to help me stay awake -- that's up to me. What'll it be, SJ, at 6:30 am on this Thursday? Back to sleep or showing up for your practice for real this time?