Sorry

As I've written about before, from time to time on this journey I call upon various professionals to help me move through whatever it is I've got going on -- whether it is physical, emotional or both. I recently went to see David Laden, and one of the things he said really stuck out for me:

"Parenting is one act of self-forgiveness after the other."

It was what I needed to hear, coming on the heels as it did of having yelled at my kids in a way that I remember being yelled at as a kid and pledged never to do as an adult. Parts of this song fit my feelings at the time, particularly before I began the process of forgiving myself:

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back

Lucky for me, and for all parents, children are very forgiving. Upset about it afterward, I apologized to my kids explaining that I had grown up with a mother who behaved that way frequently and I did not want to be that kind of parent.

"You're not that kind of parent!" they insisted.

But it has taken me a lot longer to forgive myself:

This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame

Yesterday I read something about hanging onto pain that resonated, and I set the intention to let it go. This morning when I woke up, my feet hurt, so I asked my boyfriend to rub them. When he did, I started to cry, likely releasing some of that pain.

At least I hope so. I haven't been sleeping well, lately, either, and it sure would be nice to turn that around:

Every single day I think about how we came all this way

The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry!

I've also been working with the Hawaiian prayer for forgiveness, which I've seen written two ways:

I'm sorry

Please forgive me

I love you (I forgive you)

Thank you

It seems helpful, and I just use the "I love you" form for those closest to me and the "I forgive you" form with those for whom it may be harder to feel the love but who are just as important to forgive...