Avalanches

I just discovered this woman's radiant voice a few days ago. I don't know how I've missed her being on the scene, but I'm sure glad to have found her. I'm saving the song she initially wowed me with for a time when it feels more appropriate, but I found this lovely number to mark today:

Well, don’t be scared of avalanches
Tucked up in my snowy branches
I will
Oh I will
Oh I will
I will keep you safe

Oh, how I tried to keep him safe. And oh, how I would still like to keep him safe.

In therapy yesterday, my therapist brought up the fact that when an airplane is losing pressure, they tell you to put your own mask on first before assisting others. I was familiar with this metaphor for self care: I heard it many times around Alanon tables.

And yet, in my attempts to keep my last love safe, I forgot about my own mask. And now, here I am, cracked open with the grief of losing him. Sure, it's painful, but it's also an amazing opportunity to put my own mask on. To look at myself, at what I need to fully heal, so that I can be clear in myself about the difference between a healthy desire for love to help heal (God knows it helped me heal while we were together) and the desperate desire to fix someone so that things can work out like I want them to work out:

Don't be scared of avalanches
Tucked up in my snowy branches, I will
And look how well the gray wolf dances
You bring light and second chances

He sure did bring both of those, but it looks like I'm gonna need a third chance too. Third time's a charm, as they say, and maybe it will be. I know only this: I'll be in a better position to take my desire to keep my love safe:

I will
Oh I will
Oh oh I will
Oh oh I will
Oh oh I will
Yes, I will

I will
I will
Keep you safe

...and turn it over to someone or something with much more power than I to do the protecting!