Stubborn Love

My good luck necklace before it broke

I don't remember the origin of this necklace, but I do know that when I got it, I rejected its premise, which is that you put it on, make a wish and wear it until it falls off (the charm is on a piece of thread), and when that happens, your wish is supposed to come true.

For years, I wore it from time to time, and then took it off again, as I do with all my necklaces. Then sometime this fall, I put the necklace on, and, fully admitting I was in need of a good luck charm, I decided to make a wish and leave it on until it broke off.

I was afraid to wish for what I wanted to wish for, so I made it more generic: I wished that I could finally have the partner I've dreamed of having.

This sounds almost too corny to be true, but I assure you it is. After a conversation this morning with with my departed love, I felt like things were falling into place. I felt buoyed by having access again to my person, and I started to really let myself think about the fact that we might just make it. That I might get to have the partner I've been dreaming of, which is, of course, him.

Crawling into bed this evening, my necklace broke. Could be purely coincidental, but it feels more significant than that.

This song has been running through my head over the past few days, and I haven't really been sure why, but tonight it seems pretty perfect:

So keep your head up, keep your love
Keep your head up, my love [x2]
Keep your head up, keep your love

I reckon that's what we both did over the past six months, to the best of our ability. Tried to keep our heads up even though it didn't feel right to either one of us to be apart. Tried to hold onto the love we'd gained from one another. And I guess we did a pretty good job of that.

But that can't hold a candle to having access again to that love -- even in the space where we're in now where I'm not ready to fully embrace it -- I just plain feel better about the world when I let in the love.

All of which makes me really, really grateful that love is so stubborn; feel really, really lucky; and much cooler than I've ever been about a necklace breaking...