Midnight Train to Georgia

When I got home yesterday, I didn't want to be here. I didn't feel happy to be home. I felt anger and rage. There's a huge part of me that feels like a toddler having a temper tantrum because I don't get to have what I want. And I believe it is that part of me that selected this song from the inner jukebox today:

So he's leaving a life he's come to know, ooh
(He said he's going)
He said he's going back to find
(Going back to find)
Ooh, what's left of his world
The world he left behind not so long ago

Yep, so that happened last summer. It wasn't Georgia, but he did go back to find what's left of his world:

He's leaving
(Leaving)
On that midnight train to Georgia, yeah
(Leaving on the midnight train)
Said he's going back
(Going back to find)
To a simpler place and time, oh yes he is

And he seems to have found a simpler place. A place where he only needs to think about himself. A place where he can pursue his hobbies to his heart's content. Of course, he misses me and the kids. It's not a perfect solution. But it's what his heart led him to do.

There's definitely a part of me, upon seeing him out there, who would like to join him there:

(Whenever he takes that ride, guess who's gonna be right by his side)
I'll be with him
(I know you will)
On that midnight train to Georgia
(Leaving on a midnight train to Georgia, woo woo)
I'd rather live in his world
(Live in his world)
Than live without him in mine
(Her world is his, his and hers alone)

And this part of me tearfully sang those last four bars over and over today.

But even as I sang, I knew it wasn't true. Because the truth is, nothing is more important to me than being here in Madison while my kids grow up. And although it feels so wrong to me for us to walk away from this love, I can't control that. Just like I can't control whether my favorite New Englander chooses to address the issues that got between us -- in addition to the geography issue -- so all I can do is live my life.

Without him.

In Mine.