Lady

This morning I had a great practice. I found more ease in my body than I have in a while, and that felt awesome.

In the not feeling awesome department, however, is my beat-up heart. This isn't going to go on forever, but I am going to allow myself to feel really sad while that's how I'm feeling. Even though I've been down this road before. Even though maybe I *should* have known better. Or whatever.

I keep repeating the serenity prayer to myself:

God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I don't feel very serene just yet, but it seems to help shift my focus off of what I can't change. I also keep returning to a thought I had while walking behind my favorite New Englander on a hike. And that thought was that the love of my life is going to be willing and able to love me back just as much -- just as expressively, forgivingly, demonstratively, graciously -- as I love him. And I'm not getting that from this guy. I haven't been for a long time. Maybe he will continue to grow in self-love and find himself in a space where he can love me that way and be the love of my life. Or maybe, just maybe, he's not the love of my life after all.

Ouch.

The song that started to play internally as I contemplated this today was this classic:

Lady, I'm your knight in shining armor and I love you
You have made me what I am and I am yours
My love, there's so many ways I want to say I love you
Let me hold you in my arms forever more

You have gone and made me such a fool
I'm so lost in your love
And oh, we belong together
Won't you believe in my song

Lady, for so many years I thought I'd never find you
You have come into my life and made me whole
Forever let me wake to see you each and every morning
Let me hear you whisper softly in my ear

In my eyes I see no one else but you
There's no other love like our love
And yes, oh yes, I'll always want you near me
I've waited for you for so long

Lady, your love's the only love I need
And beside me is where I want you to be
'Cause, my love, there's somethin' I want you to know
You're the love of my life, you're my lady

Which I listened to (and sang along with) rolled up on the floor in the fetal position, sobbing, this afternoon.

But eventually, I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and cheered myself up with this video of Kenny inviting Lionel Richie up to sing it with him. If Lionel Richie kissing Kenny Rogers on the cheek can't put a smile on your face, I don't know what will!