Control

One of the things I'm trying to leave behind is my need for control. I understand that I came by it honestly -- that those who emerge from developmental trauma tend to fall into two categories: the overcontroller and the underperformer, and I am in the former.

My desire for control is present in many aspects of my life, but it appears to be most problematic in my relationship with my daughter, which I seem to be able to see more clearly with each passing day. (I guess that's a good thing.)

So when I woke up early this morning, too early, I googled how to stop being controlling, and got some decent ideas.

I also got this song, coming in loud and clear, on the internal sound system:

This is a story about control
My control
Control of what I say
Control of what I do
And this time I'm gonna do it my way (my way)
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do
Are we ready?
I am
'Cause it's all about control (control)
And I've got lots of it)
When I was 17 I did what people told me, uhh!
Did what my father said, and let my mother mold me
But that was long ago

I'm in
Control
Never gonna stop
Control
To get what I want
Control
I like to have a lot
Control
Now I'm all grown up

First time I fell in love, I didn't know what hit me
So young and so naive, I thought it would be easy
Now I know I got to take

Control
Now I've got a lot, ow!
Control
To get what I want
Control
I'm never gonna stop
Control
Now I'm all grown up

Jam, ooh ooh
Rebel, that's right
I'm on my own, I'll call my own shots
Thank you

Got my own mind
I wanna make my own decisions
When it has to do with my life, my life
I wanna be the one in control

So let me take you by the hand, and lead you in this dance
Control
It's what I got, because I took a chance
I don't wanna rule the world, just wanna run my life
Ooh
So make your life a little easier
When you get the chance just take

Control, ooh ooh
Now I've got a lot, ooh
Control
To get what I want, ow!
Control
I'm never gonna stop
Control
Now I'm all grown up, ooh!

Free at last
Out here on my own
Ooh ooh ooh yeah, eee

Now control this, uhh
Control
That's right
Control
Career moves
Control
I do what's right for me
Control
And me wants to groove
Is that okay?
Yeah!
Ooh, control

I've got my own mind
Ooh baby
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
I've got my own mind
Wanna make my own decisions
When it has to do with my life
I wanna be the one in control

And I do, wanna be the one in control, to the extent that I can, when it comes to things that are important to my well-being and my children's. But I don't want to try to control the little stuff. And I want to give my daughter control over everything that is appropriate for her to be in control over - because that's going to help her develop a strong sense of herself. To do that, I just need to let go. One day at a time...