My Heart

I started this post early in the morning today, and when I went back to it, I realized I hadn't said exactly what I thought I'd wanted to say:

I'm learning to trust what my hurt tells me, letting it lead while still being grounded in the world.

I meant to say what my heart tells me. Freudian slip, perhaps? Or just an indication of the condition that my heart is in at the moment, maybe? I'm not sure, but I do know that when my subconscious speaks, I try to listen.

This beautiful song is from the soundtrack of Still Alice, which I saw at Sundance on Sunday:

My heart
What have I done to you?
Sadness, no disappointments
If I want to own you
If I want what yours
If I always want to own you

No sadness
No disappointments
No tiredness
Could get through my skin
And I woke up
Was crying in my sleep
And the bitterness
Was littered under my skin

And what this song underscores for me is that I don't want to live in a space where I have to brace my heart on a nearly daily basis. I want to be free to listen to my heart and behave accordingly, and more than that, I also want to be around others who do the same...