Shake It Out

I went to yoga at the same time today as yesterday, but the experience was totally different. This time, I wasn't thinking how much I hated yoga or how tight I was or in any way beating myself up. Thank goodness!

I'm not sure what to attribute the difference to -- it could be that I worked through the hard, "stuck" stuff yesterday leaving myself in a much more free practice space, it could be that my feelings about the teacher today are more straightforward than my feelings for the teacher yesterday, it could be because today's class was Ashtanga where you know what to expect and thus in some ways you're less vulnerable -- or it could be a combination of all of those.

All I know is, I felt better today, and that feeling wasn't just limited to yoga. I even did some yard work today (which I normally avoid), with the help of my daughter and her friend, and while raking, I heard these words from my internal ipod:

It's always darkest before the dawn

I reckon that's the truth, and that after all that darkness this summer:

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

...the dawn is finally here.

It took letting go, for real, to get to this point. Like Florence, I had to bury the pastured horse that represents the love I had in order to feel ok about simply living the life that's in front of me:

Our love is pastured, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn

Indeed it is. But the dawn's here now, and with it the opportunity to be very clear about what I need in my next partner. Here's hoping it won't end up being pastured or needing to be buried like the last one!

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa