Brave

One of the guided meditations I sometimes listen to, on forgiveness, says this in the introduction:

"If you want to see the brave, look to those who can forgive."

I've used this mantra to guide me through the process I've been through over the past several years -- taking an honest look at where I came from -- and feeling the feelings that I didn't feel while I was in the process of growing up. It hasn't been easy, but it does feel like I've entered a new stage.

The stages have looked something like this:

1) Denial -- during childhood up until my early 30s (It ain't just a river in Egypt).

2) Anger/Fear/Sadness -- this lasted until my late 30s, and was characterized by a desire to stay away from my family of origin.

3) Acceptance -- this is the phase I've moved into over the last few years, and it has involved moving back toward my family of origin -- and more willingness to spend time with them, mostly for the sake of my kids, even if it isn't easy.

To embark on this path, there's no doubt I've needed to be brave, and when I heard this song today, it felt not a little bit autobiographical:

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I wanna see you be brave this Thanksgiving, SJ, when you're gathered with your family of origin. You're not going to have a man by your side. You're gonna have to go it alone. Good thing you're so brave...