Hero

I could feel all day that there was something uncomfortable brewing under the surface today, but it took hearing this cheesy song to finally get the tears flowing:

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

I don't know, Mariah. I've been reaching into my soul for months, and the sorrow may be lessening, but I'm afraid I can't say it has melted away:

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

I felt this today. Strength. Through all the discomfort, there was an undercurrent of strength. Of I-can-do-this-ness. On my bike this morning in the bitter wind, in my frustrating work meeting, in my TRX class, in yoga this evening. I could feel myself in there, fighting, for me:

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

But I guess I gotta keep searching within myself, because I still feel emptiness. I still feel the "how could he have left me?" and "why did I invest so much in something so precarious?" But then how was I to know that love could be precarious? I'm here to say that it can be when you're with someone who only partly surrenders to it, and take it from me, if there's a part of you that knows that's what's happening in your relationship, do yourself a favor and get out now:

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

I know that in time I'll find the way, but in the meantime, I'm heading into the holidays more alone than I've been, with the exception of my kids, in my adult life...