Take Care of Yourself

This morning on my bike ride to work, it was only 20 degrees, and because it's November 12, I left the house without my heavy-duty winter biking gear. I was cold on my ride, really, really cold. But I tried not to judge that feeling, and instead, just noticed it.

That outlook didn't make my thighs and butt any less chapped when I arrived at the gym to thaw out, but it take make the ride a lot more pleasant. It left room to also notice the sunshine and the feeling I have every single time I get on my bike -- no matter the weather -- the delicious freedom of moving through the world on my own power.

Now that my commute is 6 miles each way rather than 3, my power (aka the size of my butt and thighs) is more formidable than it has ever been. And it's not just my bicycling prowess that's feeling so strong, it's the rest of me, too. All this Ashtanga yoga means my upper body is also at an all-time strong, and that feels really good too.

But it goes beyond physical strength. I experienced a monumental loss this summer, one that at times, I wasn't sure I would survive, or at least, I wasn't sure I would survive with an open heart. But I have survived. And I'm working on keeping my heart open, but I'm not there yet. There's a feeling that I've described before in this blog, a tightness behind my heart. It ebbs and flows, but it hasn't gone away. And that's ok. It tells me I'm still healing. Just like the cold air on my bike ride this morning, I can just notice it. No judgment. (That's always the goal, and at the moment, I actually feel capable of it, which also lets me know I'm healing.)

While eating dinner last night, I was joined by my friends from Glee, and they aptly picked a song (which I believe was originally recorded by Teddy Thompson), that has the same sort of "just notice -- this is how it is -- kind of attitude about letting go of a love:

It's time for us to part
Yeah, it's best for us to part
Oh, but I love you
I love you
Take care of yourself
I'll miss you
The nights are long alone
I sit alone and moan
'Cause I love you
Oooooo, I love you
Take care of yourself
I'll miss you
And no more tears to cry
I'm out of goodbyes
It's time for us to part
Although it breaks my heart
'Cause I love you
I love you
Take care of yourself
Take care of yourself
Take care of yourself
I love you

The song doesn't pretend that it's easy or neat or tidy, and it doesn't pretend that the love goes away. And that pretty much sums it up for me!