What Sarah Said

This song is working to mark my day on at least a couple of levels:

1) It seems my kids have little to no regard for What Sarah Said, and I'm feeling extremely frustrated about that but also not wanting to employ strategies that sometimes come out when I'm frustrated but really aren't effective and just end up making everybody feel bad, like yelling.

2) While my kids were ignoring me, I finally had the chance to read the Sunday Times (look at me finding a silver lining!) and this week's Modern Love was about love and loss and hospitals, just like this song: 

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time

As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409

And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today

As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me

Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye

It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds

But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all

And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room

Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news

And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads

But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?..

I don't suppose this is something one can predict with too much certainty, but I do know this: One explanation for why I was positively doubled over with grief tonight when I went outside and the moon was out and the stars were shining (luckily, my kids had gone back inside), is that I found someone I would like to be with me when I die, and now, I don't even get to be with him in life.

Tell me how that's fair? How can that be the way it works?