I Want You to Want Me

I've been aware for a while in this relationship that is now coming to an end that he doesn't need me. I'm not asking for co-dependency here, just a little healthy need for emotional intimacy. The first year and change of our relationship wasn't lacking in this department -- we routinely practiced what we called "crawling into our space" and I think it is safe to say we both felt a greater emotionally intimate connection than we'd felt before. Physical intimacy closely followed, and the desire to have as much as possible of both with each other spurred a cross country move on his part. That felt like healthy need indeed. I don't really understand where that went, and maybe I never will.

In any case, this is the song that my internal ipod dialed up for me as I was grappling with this today:

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.

It's funny. When I was in college, when I was super into this song, I just assumed that those things -- wanting, needing, and loving someone all go together. And sometimes they do, as in the first half of our relationship. But sometimes they don't, sometimes they stop being closely associated even when they were at one time, and when that happens, well, it's a mother f%$*ing drag, dude:

Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?

You know what? You probably did. Because I spend a lot of time crying these days:

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.