Vessel in Vain

Yesterday was a day I'd been working toward and awaiting for a long time.  I was in Chicago for my half marathon, and lots of things seemed to be in place: the weather was beautiful, I got a decent night's sleep, I had my breakfast, got to the starting line not too early, not too late... And it started out pretty well. I paced with my coach for the first three miles and then chose another woman to stick with when my coach needed to go back and make sure other runners were getting off to a good start.

It wasn't easy to stick with my green tank top girl, but I was determined, and when I'm determined, there isn't a lot that can stop me. Green tank top girl hauled ass through the water stations, so I had to also, which meant I didn't take in a lot of fluid during the race. Partly because of that, maybe partly because of dehydrating beverages consumed in the week prior to the race, I got very dehydrated while running, and by mile 11, I was dizzy. Mile 12 I don't remember a lot of, but after I finished, I was ushered over to the med tent and eventually given an IV. Not pretty. All things considered, my time was pretty good: 2:00:48, which was about four minutes slower than I wanted to be.

On the drive home, I played an old mix CD that includes this song:

I can't be held responsible for the things I say
For I am just a vessel in vain
And I can't be held responsible for the things I see
For I am just a vessel in vain

And it got me thinking more about my experience at the race. I wasn't a vessel in vain for the whole race. Quite the opposite. But the difference between a body that is merely tired, which one can motivate by thinking inspiring thoughts, breathing, relaxing, pacing with someone, running with a coach:

No boat out on no ocean
No name there on no hull
And it's not a strain at all to remember
Those that I've left behind
They're all standing right here beside me now
And most of them with a smile

... and a body that is dehydrated, a body for which the admonition to "reach deep" comes up with absolutely nothing, that's when I really did feel like a vessel in vain. But dang, I wanted it. I really wanted to beat that old time of 1:57:

My ideals have got me on the run
Towards my connection with everyone
My ideals have got me on the run
Its my connection with everyone

And yet, as a friend said when I was reviewing the event with her -- it is amazing what my body was able to accomplish, even under those circumstances:

Such free reign
For a vessel in vain