Into Dust

It's been a bit of a rough stretch and today didn't feel any more comfortable despite some good things that happened. I decided to give myself a double dose of yoga (which sometimes helps when I'm just not feeling comfortable in my own skin).

I'd never been to the class before, but I had been to one other class with this teacher. She's lovely, but I wanted to kill her when she had us hanging out not once, not twice, but three times in Malasana (a deep squat). Yep, those hips of mine are holding onto stuff -- and if other yoga teachers I've had are correct -- both our exes and our parents (!) live in our hips.

Somewhere along the way -- not sure if it was squat number two or number three -- the tears started to come. I didn't want to give into them too much in a room full of people I didn't know -- so I kept my grieving quiet until the teacher had the audacity to play Mazzy Star's Fade Into You. (You need only click that link to read the short post I wrote nearly five years ago now about that song).

Luckily it was during savasana (where everyone is lying on their back with their eyes closed), because the tears definitely picked up steam when I heard Mazzy's voice.

Since I've already used the song that played in yoga today, here's a song from Mazzy with a more apt title for what became of that once-so-promising love:

Still falling
Breathless and on again
Inside today
Beside me today
Around broken in two
'Till you eyes shed
Into dust
Like two strangers
Turning into dust
'Till my hand shook with the way I fear

I could possibly be fading
Or have something more to gain
I could feel myself growing colder
I could feel myself under your fate
Under your fate

It was you breathless and tall
I could feel my eyes turning into dust
And two strangers turning into dust
Turning into dust