My Cherie Amour

Last night I went to see Silver Linings Playbook with a friend. What a spectacular movie. Quirky, funny, poignant, well-acted, inspiring... I really loved it.

But watching the movie, I just kept wishing that my boyfriend were there with me. It came to me over and over again throughout the movie: it's him. It's his fascinating thoughts, his laughter, his keen powers of observation, his response to it that I most wanted to hear. At that moment and for as long as I'm on this earth.

As in many movies, there was a love story at the heart of it, and seeing this love story come to fruition on the screen triggered two seemingly disparate feelings in me: a profound sadness and a comforting clarity.

I felt really sad that I wasn't sharing it with him, that we weren't in a place where we could fully embrace our love as the two main characters were at the end of the movie. Walking out of the movie, I had these big, powerful tears that carried a strong message that I could tell had nothing to do with any old wounds, nothing to do with not wanting to be alone, nothing to do with anything other than the same sadness I've been struck with every time I contemplate letting him go.

So I'm not going to do that. He's my sweet love, the one my heart beats for, and that's all that really matters. The rest we can work out. Maybe it won't look like the picture I had in my head, but the prospect of getting to be with him -- his happy self -- his best self -- that's better than any picture I could've come up with in the abstract.

Speaking of sweet loves, this Steve Wonder classic played an important role in the movie -- I won't tell you exactly what role -- go see the flick and find out for yourself:

La la la la la la, La la la la la la

My cherie amour, lovely as a summer day
My cherie amour, distant as the milky way
My cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine...