Where You Lead

Walking down the driveway today, I heard this song on the inner ipod:

Wanting you the way I do
I only want to be with you
And I would go to the ends of the earth
'Cause, darling, to me that's what you're worth

Where you lead, I will follow
Anywhere that you tell me to
If you need, you need me to be with you
I will follow where you lead

I think it came on because I just started watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix, and it's the theme song. Hearing it in my head made me think of the time a friend (at least to me he was just a friend) from high school who told me he didn't care where I wanted to live, he just wanted to be with me.

And then I couldn't help but think of the contrast between that and the New Englander. One of these days I'm gonna find both -- a man who loves me enough to commit to living life with me wherever I am and a man whom I love just as much.

If you're out on the road
Feeling lonely and so cold
All you have to do is call my name
And I'll be there on the next train

It's incredible to me how often my thoughts turn to the New Englander. For a long time I thought of this as my inner knowing that he is the right person for me even if he isn't managing to show up for us. I'm starting to consider that it might be more like some sort of addiction, and I've started telling myself when I catch myself going there that I deserve someone who will show up in love the way I showed up for him.

I'm hoping this shift in my thinking will get me off this dead-end loop and onto something with more possibility for a happy ending:

I always wanted a real home with flowers on the window sill
But if you want to live in New York City, honey, you know I will
I never thought I could get satisfaction from just one man
But, if anyone could keep me happy, you're the one who can

And where you lead, I will follow
Anywhere that you tell me to
If you need, you need me to be with you
I will follow where you lead...