Come On Get Higher (I Miss the Sound of Your Voice)

My son has been nursing a couple of sports-related injuries, and I was going to call the doctor yesterday when I realized there was someone we could ask who would definitely know what he should do: The New Englander.

So I sent him a text and asked if my son could call him about it, and he said of course.

I didn't actually talk to him myself -- other than saying hi because he was on speakerphone when my kids talked to him -- but even so, just hearing his voice had a profound impact on me.

It used to be that every time I heard the sound of his voice -- since he moved away that is -- I would break down and cry. But that didn't happen last night. Instead, I was mostly ok with it, except for the part of me that was more than ok with it. That's right, despite the time that has passed and what has transpired between us - the sound of that man's voice is still like an on-switch for my girl parts.

And that's ok. We've always had a strong physical connection. We probably always will. I no longer confuse that for what it takes to have a meaningful partnership in this life -- but it is absolutely undeniable. And so I'm letting it be, and marveling a little about how long it has been now that that part of me has been almost dormant. I don't feel like I'm doing that on purpose. I don't feel like I've taken myself off the market. I just feel like now I know what it is like to have a physical relationship with someone you love deeply, and for me, there's no going back to feeling satisfied with anything less.

So this morning, when I woke up after a big night of dreams about the physical nature of my last relationship, this is the song that I heard on my inner ipod:

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
Loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet
Perfect words that you said

I miss the pull of your heart
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God, when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

It's all wrong, it's all wrong
It's all wrong, it's so right
So come on, get higher
So come on and get higher
'Cause everything works, love
Everything works in your arms.

I remember the feeling that it was true that everything worked in his arms. But it wasn't really true, not on every level. If it had been, we'd still be together today. It's like the quote on the whiteboard in the office of a woman I met with today said:

"If you're committed to something, you'll find a way. If you're not committed, you'll find an excuse."

Uh-huh.

So now I'm committed to taking this knowledge of how incredible a physical connection can be and not settling for anything less than someone who is fully committed to living this beautiful life with me...