Burning Gold

I heard this song yesterday in the gym locker room. I know, I know. Two Christina Perri songs in one week. What's this blog coming to? But I see this blog the way I see life. Both are much less about being cool and much more about being real about the things that move you. Coolness has its upsides, no doubt. But it's no substitute for really showing up and taking it all in, and I gotta be honest, this song spoke to me:

Looking for an exit in this world of fear
I can see the path that leads the way
Mama never left, and daddy needs me here
I wish the wind would carry a change
Looking through the window to a world of dreams
I can see my future slip away
Honey you won’t get there if you don’t believe
I wish the wind would carry a change

I've had enough
I’m standing up
I need, I need a change
I've had enough of chasing luck
I need, I need a change

I’m setting fire to the life that I know
Let's start a fire everywhere that we go
We starting fires, we starting fires
'Til our lives are burning gold
'Til our lives are burning gold

I do indeed need a change, and I can feel that one, or maybe more than one, major change is in process. But I don't know if the way to get there is to start fires. I mean that's one way, but I'm not sure it is the best way if one wants to live wholeheartedly.

Yesterday I went to see the woman I see for spiritual guidance and Reiki. She often asks me to state my spiritual intention before I get on the table, and I'd written a couple of things down before I came. I read the first one to her:

I want to let go of the hurt

And she said she'd change that a little bit, to: "I want to finish learning what I need to know from the hurt."

Ooof. Do I? I guess I do. Setting fires -- asking for my hurt to go away when I want it to go away rather than it's ready -- might be more expedient in some ways, but not in the long run. And since I'm all about moving into the full embodiment of myself, I'm not gonna take the easy road this time:

Looking back I see I had the flame in me
I’m the wind that’s carrying change

Damn right I am!