If It's Love

Make that two days in a row that my internal alarm clock is set to music. This morning I was awoken by another song by Train, but then landed on this one, which touches on some themes I have been exploring lately -- in my own head, with friends, with my man, and yesterday, with a stranger at a bar. (And besides, I didn't want to be the one responsible for getting the other song stuck in anyone else's head.)

Last night after a long day at work and a satisfying workout, I decided to stop at one of my favorite new restaurants for dinner rather than go home and forage in my fridge. I ate (and drank) at the bar, and ended up in a really fascinating conversation with a man sitting to my right. It started out as a conversation about movies, then Blue Valentine, a movie I really want to see that is supposed to have lots of realistic sex scenes (it's rated NC-17) and display lots of raw emotion (my favorite kind), and that led to a discussion of sex and relationships and men and women and love and marriage and sexuality and romance and attraction and monogamy...

This dude had a particularly interesting take on these topics. Married to a woman with whom he has three kids, he said he could just as easily have fallen in love with a man. He said he's sexually attracted to both (this I get) and could've gone either way. I asked whether that meant he had an open marriage, to which he replied "No. I just think that would threaten the security I feel with my wife." I reckon he's right. He seemed pretty darn content with his choice, and I guess that's what is is to some extent, a choice. I mean yeah, you've got to feel something pretty powerful to want to link your life to someone -- but what keeps it feeling like a choice you're glad you're making?

There's nothing particularly brilliant in these lyrics (who is Henry Lee?), but some of them are quite sweet, and they capture both the feeling and the decision:

But I'm afraid when I hear stories about a husband and wife

There's no happy endings, no Henry Lee

But you are the greatest thing about me

If it's love

And we decide that it's forever

No one else could do it better

Love, love

Got to have something to keep us together

Love, love

That's enough for me

Yes, love. Hugely important that it's there and that it flows equally in both directions. And then there's good old fashioned compatibility. This time around, I need a partner with an adventurous spirit:

We can travel to Spain where the rain falls

Mainly on the plain side and sing

'Cause it is we can laugh, we can sing

Have ten kids and give them everything

Hold our cell phones up in the air

And just be glad that we made it here alive

On a spinning ball in the middle of space

I love you from your toes to your face

I'm going to have to part ways with Train on this last verse, though -- I think, particularly when it's the second (or any number other than one) time around -- that it's vital to know where you've both been:

You can move in, I won't ask where you've been

'Cause everybody has a past

When we're older we'll do it all over again

And I reckon that's exactly what can keep me from having to do it all over again -- more than twice, I mean.