Hurt

I've been hearing "I'm sorry for blaming you" on repeat for the past few weeks, on and off. I wasn't even sure what song the lyrics were from, but the powerful female voice just kept returning. A little you tube detective work, and I found this:

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself by hurting you

As I sit here listening to her velvety voice and watching the video, tears rolling down my face, I'm struck again (as I was yesterday) at the comingling of feelings about exes and feelings about parents. I thought this song was coming up as a result of residual feelings about my marriage, and I think it was, in part. But that seems to be directly related to feelings about my father. From both the looks of the video and these lyrics, Christina feels the same way:

Would you tell me I was wrong?

Would you help me understand?

Are you looking down upon me?

Are you proud of who I am?

I think there's a part of me that would like the answers to those questions from both my ex and my father, and rather than judging that, I'm just going to try to be with it. I know full well that it may never happen, and if it did, it wouldn't necessarily make me feel differently about myself. Or at least, it wouldn't have to...