You Oughta Know

There's a little part of me -- not the prettiest part, not the most evolved part, but part of me nonetheless -- that put out a request for this tune tonight. And as far from what Alanis is singing about as my situation is in a lot of important ways, it's still really satisfying hearing/watching her sing it:

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you

I wish nothing but the best for you both

An older version of me

Is she perverted like me

Would she go down on you in a theatre

Does she speak eloquently

And would she have your baby

I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able

To make it enough for you to be open wide, no

And every time you speak her name

Does she know how you told me you'd hold me

Until you died, till you died

But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you

Of the mess you left when you went away

It's not fair to deny me

Of the cross I bear that you gave to me

You, you, you oughta know

After yoga tonight, I was talking to a friend about these feelings. "I totally get it,"she said, as I explained that knowing that my ex was with someone else just brought up all these feelings about what he wasn't for me (and to be fair, what we weren't to each other). I reckon that this is just another part of the grieving process -- a part that I didn't have access to until we landed in this new stage.

It isn't comfortable, but I know that if I can just muster up the strength to feel it (and have the space -- I've been with my kids all weekend) -- I'll be able to release it.