You know you're not waking up in a great frame of mind when Hole is the music playing on your internal alarm clock -- at least, that's not a good sign for me -- especially when it wakes me up earlier than I want to be up.
I remember the time in my life when I loved this album and it was characterized by a pretty high degree of self loathing, as is evident in these lyrics I used to be so fond of screaming:
I am the girl you know, can't look you in the eye
I am the girl you know, so sick I cannot try
And I am the one you want, can't look you in the eye
I am the girl, you know I lie, I lie and lie
I'm mostly not that girl anymore. I don't have trouble looking people in the eye and thanks to many, many modes of healing, I'm definitely not so sick I cannot try.
But I'm still struck by how I can be sent reeling (even temporarily) by being told I'm somehow not meeting expectations, whether in my personal or professional life. It's a good reminder that I need to set my own expectations for myself and mostly measure myself against them, but I also want to remember that it's ok to have room to grow, and I don't need to shut down when such an opportunity has been identified. Not now that I'm well enough to try...
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