Because You Loved Me

Phew. Having my kids back totally helped shift that shitty energy. Maybe it was catching fireflies, or holding baby bunnies and guinea pigs at the pet store. Maybe it was their hugs. Maybe it was my son asking if I still text our lost-fourth-at-the-dinner-table, or the fact that when I answered "when I need to arrange something about the stuff he left here" my son gently said: "no Mom, I meant just to sy hi." Maybe it was my daughter's report that her Dad said second marriages usually work out better, or their assurances that once they've grown up, I can fly off to New England and marry the man of whom we are all so fond. I'm not sure it'll work that way, but it was still really sweet.

Before I went to bed last night, I asked whoever might be listening if I could just please sleep through the night, or at least, when I awake to go to the bathroom as I pretty much always do, get right back to sleep. Alas, my wish was not granted. I still woke up at 4am feeling hungry and out of sorts. So I tried responding to it in a different way -- rather than getting up to get a bowl of cereal, I moved over to "his" side of the bed, and "his" pillows, and I cried. In fairly short order after that, I fell back to sleep. Sigh.

A couple of days ago I wrote about my love referring to my love (you following me?) as wings, and today in the car, I heard this song -- I know, I know, Celine Dion is far less cool than Social Distortion, but I gotta admit, this is a pretty beautiful take on what love can mean:

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby...

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

I don't like that past tense but I do know that much is true, and I will be forever thankful, and I'm super grateful to my children for getting me back in touch with that knowledge.

And thus, for this last verse, I'm talking to all three o' my loves:

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you