He Stopped Loving Her Today

I can't even tell you where I heard this song, or how it got stuck on repeat in my mind, but the last couple of days on my (very hot) bike commute home, it's been playing internally:

He said I'll love you 'til I die
She told him you'll forget in time
As the years went slowly by
She still preyed upon his mind.

I can't say what I'll be feeling in a few years, but I can say where I am today: relieved to be climbing out of the dark space I've been occupying for the last two weeks. It's true. My lover is no longer physically present, and that sucks. But I think I might be done with my little pity party. That's not to say I didn't deserve to have one -- to be just as blue as I needed to be -- it's just that I have a choice about whether I stay mired in the darkness or choose to bring in the light.

I can't change the fact that he's gone. And ultimately, we both know I'll need a man who's psyched to be by my side. But for today, what I'm experiencing, and happy to be experiencing, is the love I still have for him, as kind of a fuzzy glow. I don't want anyone else. I'm not ready for that. Maybe someday I will be, but I'm not ready for that today.

So just like my pal George, I put my picture of my love back up:

He kept her picture on his wall
Went half crazy now and then
He still loved her through it all
Hoping she'd come back again.

And yeah, I'm hoping he'll come back again. But that's not what's happening today. Today I'm just feeling grateful that I really do know I'm always going to love him and he's always going to love me and there's no distance that can take away that truth. It might not mean that we get to be together, but I do believe we'll go to our graves, wherever they may be, with this love in our hearts.

Granted, it's not the 'til death do us part I was shooting for. Not yet anyway. But it's pretty goddamn beautiful in its own right:

He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door
And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today...