Nothin' At All

"You're not fat but you kinda look fat in that coat"

This day is almost officially over, and my feelings about that, like the day itself, are mixed.

Normally, when my alarm goes off on Sunday mornings, even though it's early (between 6:30am and 7:00am), I'm excited to get up to go to my yoga practice. This morning, not so much.

I had a bunch of really upsetting dreams last night, and I woke up feeling like I'd been run over by a truck. I got out my dream journal, wrote down what I could remember, and then forced myself to swing my feet over the side of the bed. Numerous parts of my body hurt. My knee, which has been hurting for a few weeks now, but also weird things, like my hands, forearms and wrists, from climbing yesterday.

I sat there for a few minutes trying to decide whether to go or not. Again, super unusual for me, and I almost decided to stay home just because it's so rare for me to feel like that.

But then I remembered how my day yesterday got more difficult as it went on, and yesterday was my day off from practicing, so I forced myself out the door. I knew today would be challenging given that 1) we had to get the house cleaned before we left for skiing, 2) I needed to take both kids skiing today and they're not super compatible skiers.

It's a good thing I got my practice in -- skiing went as predicted but also had some twists -- such as when my daughter and I went to get on the fast chair lift and I didn't realize in time that there was no seat on the one I "sat" down on and that subsequently whisked me away. By the time the dude managed to stop the lift I was at least six feet off the ground. I tried to convince him to let me ride it up the mountain sitting on the bar but he wasn't having it. And so, I jumped, with my ski boots on, six feet off a chair lift and onto the lift attendant. Amazingly, neither one of us got hurt, but it was quite an experience.

I enjoyed being out there, I really did, but all day I felt pulled between my son and my daughter. At a certain point, when I realized I couldn't win because both were headed off to different chair lifts and both were mad if I didn't come with them, I just sat down at the bonfire in between the two chair lifts, took off my boots, warmed up my feet, took the selfie above (complete with a quote from my daughter) and sang along to the familiar song that was playing (I was alone at said bonfire):

One of the day's highlights: a gorgeous sunset

I would walk home every evening
Through the pyramids of light
I would feed myself on silence
Wash it down with empty nights

Then your innocent distractions
Hit me so hard
My emotional reaction
Caught me off guard

It was nothing at all
Like anything I had felt before
And it was nothing at all
Like I thought no it's so much more
No one else has ever made
Me feel this way
When I asked you how you did it
You just say
It was nothing at all

Now I walk home every evening
And my feet are quick to move
Cause I know my destination
Is a warm and waiting you
From our first communication
It was clear
Any thought of moderation
Would soon disappear

It was nothing at all
Like anything I had felt before
And it was nothing at all
Like I thought no, it's so much more
No one else has ever made
Me feel this way
when I asked you how you did it
You just say
It was nothing at all

Gotta love Heart. And heart...