Something's Happening

I stumbled on this song yesterday when I was looking for the lyrics to yesterday's song, and found that this one fit my general state of mind too. It really does feel like something's happening. Last night I had a hard time falling asleep because I was buzzing with excitement of no particular origin:

Who said it's my year was it you there? Can't go wrong
I see a new way you'll be in my play, sing my song
Where is the reason I keep teasing, if I knew?
To see the new year not being blue here, evermore

You know it's alright something's happened
Hold tight it might be lightning
Turn up the lights somethin's moving
Can't sleep at night my heart keeps missing a beat

Well, I know it's my year ain't got no fear, hold me down
Take it easy if not for me, sing my song, yeah
Where is the reason I keep teasing, if I knew?
To see the new year not being blue here, evermore

You know it's alright something's happened
Hold tight it might be lightning
Turn up the lights I feel like dancing
Can't sleep at night my heart keeps missing a beat

Ooh baby, don't ever let it bring you down
Ooh baby, that's not the way I want it to sound
Ooh baby, don't ever let it bring you down
Ooh baby, I'll pick you up on the ground

It's hard to explain, but it feels like a switch has been flipped. A few weeks or months ago -- I'm not really sure how long ago it was -- a friend tried to reassure me in my grief about the New Englander by saying: "In the end it will be okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end." Of course, my sweet, hopeful self did NOT feel ok and took that as evidence that things couldn't possibly be over with him.

Just last week, I almost texted my friend again, saying it still didn't feel ok, and I didn't get it, because it sure seems like the end. Something stopped me from sending the text.

Somehow this week, I am starting to feel like it might just be ok. Even if it's the end. It's weird. I still don't like it. I still feel sad at times. I still miss him. But I also feel generally like things may just be exactly as they need to be right now, and as much as people told me that over the last number of months/years, there is a HUGE difference between hearing it and feeling it.

I'm super grateful for this shift. I know it may not be a once and done proposition, but even visiting this hopeful, expectant space counts for a lot!