Waiting in Vain

I decided to take my friends' advice and get back out there via the wacky world of internet dating. So far I've encountered a handful of people -- all of whom happen to be in their 30s -- who feel like they'd be worth my while to meet:

1) A powder-chasing mountain lover who thinks a ski trip up to the UP would be a great date;
2) An artist who resembles Jonah Hill and sounds like a fun and interesting person; and
3) A funny, divorced father-of-two who declares in his profile that he'll never love anyone the way he loves his ex wife.

Now one could argue that all three of these dudes could have red flags -- the first one might be painfully similar to the New Englander, the second is not the kind of guy I'm typically attracted to, and the third -- well, what's the point of dating someone who declares he'll never get over his ex wife?

Part of me agrees with each of those assessments, but with the first one, it seems like it's worth it to take the chance since he just might have many of the fabulous qualities of the East Coast Adventurer I last gave my heart to without some of the more complicated ones.

With the second, I've also gotten the advice to go out with people that I might not normally go out with -- I think this is a gentle way of saying my picker is broken but I know it's meant as a kindness.

And with the third, I have to admire his honesty, and since I am also a straight shooter -- I gave him honesty right back, telling him:

"Although I still can't fathom loving anyone else the way I loved my last boyfriend, I refuse to believe that we live in a world where we have to live without the loves with whom we are meant to spend our lives. Ergo, either my ex is going to realize he made a huge mistake and move back to Wisconsin and put a ring on my finger, OR I'm going to fall in love again, just as hugely, with someone else. But it's got to be one of those."

Now there could be other scenarios, but I believe from the deepest part of me that they all involve me having a lover who is fully capable of speaking my love languages (physical touch and quality time) and being my partner. So what's the point of going out with someone who doesn't believe that? I can guess that there's probably only really a point if, upon meeting, it feels like we could have a real friendship. In other words, having drinks with him will be the opposite of a regular date -- it I'm attracted to him, I'm not going to want to see him again. I've had enough of putting myself out there for someone who is not fully out there himself for this lifetime, thank you very much. But if I'm not, and if we're able to talk about love and loss and life and parenting and divorce and help one another muddle through these respective losses, well, then, that might just be worth something.

What I do not want, as I made clear to this pseudo-suitor, is what Bob Marley didn't want:

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love,
'Cause if summer is here,
I'm still waiting there;
Winter is here,
And I'm still waiting there.

I'm tired of waiting there. The New Englander explicitly told me he didn't want me to wait in vain. I'm trying not to -- putting myself out there again. So you can be damn sure I'm not going to let myself end up in another situation where I want something that the man I want it from doesn't have to give:

It's been three years since I'm knockin' on your door,
And I still can knock some more:
Ooh girl, ooh girl, is it feasible?
I wanna know now, for I to knock some more.
Ya see, in life I know there's lots of grief,
But your love is my relief:
Tears in my eyes burn - tears in my eyes burn
While I'm waiting - while I'm waiting for my turn,
See!

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love, oh!

Nope, I don't wanna wait in vain for anybody's love.

Because I can tell you that it is not a good feeling to come to the conclusion about someone you love that the prophet comes to at the end of this song:

It's me love that you're running from...

Not a good feeling at all.