Black

Oh Eddie, I don't know if you've ever looked or sounded more beautiful than you do in this live recording of Black, one of your most compelling songs, and the one that came on when I switched on my ipod after getting off the phone with my man this morning.

There's still a little part of me, the part that feels the ache that can't, in this moment, be satisfied as it was this past weekend, that could feel what Eddie seemed to be feeling as he began to sing:

Hey... oooh...

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay

Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.

All five horizons revolved around her soul

As the earth to the sun

Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

But mostly, like I did when I heard Dido yesterday, I marked the change in my life from the time when my friends and I used to blast this song and scream at the top of our lungs:

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,

I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why

Why, why can't it be, can't it be mine?

It's kind of strange - even though it was such a painful place in terms of heart space, in many respects I recall that early 20s time in my life fondly. One reason is that my friends and I also had a lot of fun, of course -- but the other is that as lonely as it was, that unrequited space felt like home -- it was what my heart knew how to do -- where it felt comfortable.

I may not have as much of that glorious hanging out time that college offered anymore, and more sadly, I may have lost some of the friends with whom I shared that time, but I'm soooooooooo grateful for the growth that has allowed me to reclaim the full expanse of my heartspace and get comfy there. I've never known more contentment.