Fix You

The first time I heard this song was at a concert at my kids' school. Two children in the school had recently lost their mother, and the choir dedicated this song to them. It was heartbreakingly beautiful, as it is in the concert video footage linked above:

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Today I heard it during the cool-down portion of my functional fitness class, and I got to thinking about trying to fix people. And you know, it's fascinating. I used to think it was problematic that I tried to fix people that I was dating. And it was, to some degree, because I needed to fix them in order to get them (theoretically) to a place where I could love them. And that never worked, not even once.

This time around, it isn't that I met someone who didn't need any fixing. For one thing, that's not possible -- we're all wounded. And it isn't that I didn't want to fix him. It's in my nature to help people heal their hearts and bodies -- if I didn't bring that to a relationship, I'd be leaving out a pretty beautiful part of myself. The difference this time around is that our relationship started from a place where I helped fix his divorce wounds, and that was great for both of us. But then I fell in love with him, all of him, and the fixing happened as a result of the love, not in preparation for it. And when it happens that way, fixing someone (and getting fixed by someone) is a pretty damn beautiful thing:

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face

And I

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you