Reason to Cry

My ipod woke me up with this song today, and as I lay in bed listening to it, I gotta admit, I did feel sad. It's not like all the lyrics really fit my situation, but the first verse sure makes me lonely for his physical presence:

Just to sit and talk
The way we used to do
It just breaks my heart
That I can't get close to you

Speaking of hearts, I realized something this weekend. One of the questions I'd been asking the New Englander is if he could trust his heart and body, but I could pose the same question to myself. My heart is set on him -- I know that could change at some point if things don't change with our situation -- but for now, I can hear this truth loud and clear. So what would it look like for me to trust my heart, to believe that it knows something I don't, or at least I don't know the whens or the hows? What if I spent less time worrying about what has happened:

I thought things would stay the same
I thought things were right on
In our sunny days
How could we go wrong

Now these days have found us
Right here where we stand
We thought we were so tough
But nothing worked out like we planned

Of everything in this world
I guess I'll never know why
Something as good as this could
Flower up and die

Especially since I know the goodness that we have together has not died. What if I trusted that I need this time as much as he does to get clear on my own stuff, to find my own source of happiness, rather than waiting for it to return:

When you lose your happiness
When no one's standing by
When nothing makes any sense
You got a reason to cry
When nothing makes any sense
You got a reason to cry

Don't get me wrong. I do have a reason to cry and I often do, but it isn't because nothing makes any sense. Things are making more and more sense all the time.

As for listening to my body, that's a little harder to discern. On the one hand it's sure about the New Englander, just like my heart. On the other, it has noticed that there's no one crawling in bed with me at night and would prefer to be getting snuggled and loved up...