On My Honor

Last night I found myself objecting to the term "honorable" used to indicate that one should behave in a certain way, when a lot of the time, I think that the best way to honor ourselves is to question how we "should" behave. Then this morning in meditation, I was visited by a song that I wasn't sure would be on youtube, but lo and behold, I found a version of it being sung by Girl Scouts at a campfire:

On my honor, I will try.

There's a duty to be done and I say aye.

There's a reason to be here for a reason above.

My honor is to try and my duty is to love.

Hearing this rendition, I was filled with the mixture of emotions that Girl Scout memories bring -- nostalgia, for one -- but also, on a deeper level, a sense that what I learned from songs like this and other troop experiences both reinforced parts of me that were good and wise and helped externalize the authority about what constituted goodness and wisdom. I don't think the latter is a good thing, but I do think it's a really common message that we give kids: you're good because I say you are, not because you feel and know the goodness in yourself.

For me at least, the fact that the messages I received about how I behaved didn't always match what I knew to be true inside has made for a confusing sorting out process that I've had to undertake as an adult. Yes, my honor is to try and my duty is to love -- but I also have a right to sit one out when I have good reason, and doing so may well be honoring myself -- and similarly, sometimes people's behavior warrants a response other than love, such that, at least in the moment, my duty to myself might well dictate the opposite emotional reaction.

The Buddha taught that it is wise to internalize the authority, so that we are all the ultimate judges of what honors us and what our duties are -- and I find so much more space to breathe in that teaching than I do in those song lyrics...