She's Already Made Up Her Mind

When I heard a couple of days ago that my neighbors will soon be joining me in the world of divorce and parenting children in two separate homes, I felt a mix of emotions, the first of which was most people's initial reaction to my own similar news: say it ain't so. Having been on the receiving end of many such reactions, I checked myself and managed not to say something like that which, for me, just made it harder.

Still, I can't deny it. It's what I felt when I heard the news. This even though I know that all four of the people directly affected by my own divorce are happier now. We humans want to keep things wrapped up in tidy packages as often as we possibly can -- and if our own lives can't be wrapped up neatly -- we still crave the tidy packages in the lives of others. I guess it all comes down to my favorite answer: non-dualism. It doesn't have to be one or the other. It isn't either tragic or a positive thing for all parties when an unhappy marriage breaks up: it's both.

I don't know the story of their breakup, but I have both noticed and read about a common theme -- more women are leaving their marriages than men -- one statistic I saw put it at 3 to 1. I've been thinking a lot about this, and plan to keep thinking about it. It looks like the next immediate career juncture for me is going to be related to education policy, but eventually I'm thinking about leading retreats for couples that would have a radically different approach than couple's therapy -- which, as you may know, is notoriously unsuccessful at saving marriages, even when that's the overwhelming desire from both spouses. I don't have it all figured out yet, but I reckon that a big part of it would be getting to the couple before, as the incredible-at-vocalizing-the-melancholy Lyle Lovett puts it, she's already made up her mind:

Now there is nothing so deep as the ocean

And there is nothing so high as the sky

And there is nothing so unwavering as a woman

When she's already made up her mind...