Just the Way You Are

My daughter is starting to discover pop music, and when I heard her singing this song, I was really grateful for its message. I tell her all the time that she is beautiful, but as these lyrics articulate, there's a huge difference between hearing someone say that and believing it yourself:

Yeah I know, I know

When I compliment her

She won't believe me

And it's so, it's so

Sad to think she don't see what I see

It's hard to imagine the hottie in this video having moments of self-doubt, and yet, I don't think anyone is immune to sometimes having difficulty with their reflection in the mirror.

Why is it so much easier to relish all the features of someone you love and so easy to find fault with ourselves? Part of it has to be lack of self-love. I also think part of it is cultural. I've been recently reunited (thanks Facebook) with some dear friends from the year I lived in England (1991-1992).

One of the most striking things about British culture for me was that it is significantly less superficial -- and there isn't so much emphasis on weight. I gained 20 pounds the year I lived there and I remember one of my British boyfriends proudly proclaiming to me: "you're alright looking and you've got a belting personality!" and fully believing that was a compliment. At the time, I believed it was, too. When I got back home, I was appalled and repulsed by my body and immediately started trying to change it. Some of that was positive -- I wasn't healthy, I didn't have as much energy - but some of it was negative -- suddenly I was back to equating being thin with being attractive or accepted or desirable.

One of my long-lost British buds posted this on my Facebook wall the other day: "Gosh! You look just the same!" And my first thought was: "Is she crazy?" And then I marveled at that ability to look and see a person's essence -- not whether or not they have one less chin -- and set the intention to cultivate that ability in myself:

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are