Like a Prayer

On the last night of Hannukah, we had some friends over for dinner, one of whom was surprised to learn that I celebrate the holiday even after leaving my Jewish husband (who didn't heavily identify with the religion of his heritage anyway). I explained that I really get that ritual and tradition are huge for kids, and I feel like this is part of the traditions of their ancestors so it's worth carrying forward. Plus, I really like it.

At the same time, without a devout faith, our celebrations of both Hannukah and Christmas can feel a little devoid of meaning and sometimes start to feel overly commercial. I try to explain to my kids that for me, these holidays are about getting to spend special time together doing fun things (which can include but isn't limited to playing with new toys). Most of the time I think they get it. And hopefully they can feel it -- because that's so much more important than hearing someone say something anyway.

What I'd like to understand myself, and teach my kids, is the importance of having faith. It doesn't have to be faith in a deity, but I do think it necessarily involves faith in something you can't readily see or explain, which I think includes love.

Probably the most wondrous part of having children for me was immediately coming to understand and have faith in love beyond what I had ever felt or understood to be possible before they were born.

I know there is no more powerful force, but as I work to embrace this powerful force in my lovelife, there's more opportunity for my old wounds to get in the way.

The ipod shuffled onto this number this morning, and listening to it, I've decided that having faith in love is what I want most to cultivate this holiday season and into the new year. I'm going to have a perfect opportunity to practice this, with a man arriving on Christmas Eve to spend part of the holidays with me. And not just any man. A man for whom it is true that the very first time I heard him say my name, it felt like home:

Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone.

I hear you call my name and it feels like

Home

Remembering that moment and all that has transpired since, having faith in love doesn't seem so hard. And I don't feel like I'm standing alone, either...