Nightminds

In an attempt to motivate myself to clean off my desk at work, I decided to try firing up a little music. I logged into Pandora, and a song by Chris Pureka rather mysteriously started playing. (I've never heard of Chris Pureka.) The song didn't particularly strike me one way or the other, but below the list of what was playing were these Missy Higgins lyrics:

Just lay it all down.

Put your face into my neck and let it fall out.

I know, I know, I know. I knew before you got home.

This world you're in now,

it doesn't have to be alone...

And I was completely struck by how well they captured what I feel is available to me now, both in terms of what I'm able to give and what I'm able to get in this new relationship, that was not available in previous relationships.

That rough Mother's Day yesterday really embodied, in many respects, the contrast between my old relationship and my new one, and to cap it all off, I arrived home from work today to find a card from my boyfriend about his experience of me as a mother that was more profound than anything ever uttered (written or spoken) by the man whose children I birthed. This inspires in me both anger at my ex-husband and gratitude for my man, the latter of whom I'm still separated from by 1109 more miles than I'd like to be:

I'll get there somehow, 'cause

I know I know I know

when, even springtime feels cold.

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see

so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.

And in our honesty, together we will rise,

out of our nightminds, and into the light

at the end of the fight...

I'm so ready to rise out of my nightmind and into the light. So, so ready...