One Man Guy

Context is everything, I guess. When Rufus's version of this song came on my ipod after 40 hours or so of uninterrupted time with my one man, I heard it as a gay man's ode to a committed relationship:

'Cause I'm a one man guy in the morning

Same in the afternoon

One man guy when the sun goes down

I whistle me a one man tune

One man guy a one man guy

Only kind of guy to be

I'm a one man guy

I'm a one man guy...

I even said to my man at the time (with a smile): "One man? I'm getting there!" And getting there I am. If you'd told me a year ago that I'd meet someone with whom I'd only actually get to spend 16 days (over the course of 9 months) in his physical presence and then told me I wouldn't be with anyone else in the interim, I wouldn't have believed it could happen, but here I am. And it isn't even because I couldn't be with someone else -- I've had both the option open and the opportunity -- but not the desire. Weird! Part of it might be related to the manner in which we make up for the time spent apart when we are together, but more than that, I guess what I thought were physical needs were actually much more tied to emotional needs than I recognized -- just one more way I've grown in this relationship.

But when I looked up this song on youtube tonight, I realized it was written by his Dad, and it's about living a solitary life:

People will know when they see this show

The kind of a guy I am

They'll recognize just what I stand for and what I just can't stand

They'll perceive what I believe in

And what I know is true

And they'll recognize I'm a one man guy

Always was through and through

People meditate

Hey that's just great

Trying to find the inner you

People depend on family and friends

And other folks to pull them through

I don't know why I'm a one man guy

Or why I'm a one man show

But these three cubic feet of bone and blood and meat are all I love and know

Feels a bit ironic, but also really fitting at the same time. Some people are still pretty alone in committed relationships -- sometimes because they choose to be -- sometimes because they don't know any other way -- sometimes because they start out open and something happens to shut them down. My last committed relationship was characterized by the last of those, and it became a very lonely place. As my boyfriend and I head toward that committed space, we're vowing not to end up back there (he had a similar experience in his marriage). At least as important, though, was something I realized this weekend -- I can pick someone that seems less likely to abandon me when times get tough -- but maybe more importantly, I can choose not to abandon myself this time around too.