The Concept

The movie I chose last night was not a particularly pleasant watch -- Young Adult -- but it does have a pretty fun way of using music to help tell the story, and y'all know I've got a soft spot for that particular narrative device!

This song by Teenage Fanclub, first played in the car on a mix tape from an old boyfriend whom the protagonist is hoping to win back, and then by the band of her old boyfriend's new wife (ouch), is a winner in that 90s Alternative kinda way:

She wears denim wherever she goes
Says she's gonna get some records by the Status Quo
Oh yeah...Oh yeah...

Still she won't be forced against her will
Says she don't do drugs but she does the pill
Oh yeah...Oh yeah...

The lyrics are better listened to than read since it's the sound that is most compelling about this song, but the chorus:

I didn't want to hurt you oh yeah...
I didn't want to hurt you oh yeah...

...is a nice segue into this piece on trauma from the New York Times yesterday about the wounds that are a part of us and what we tell ourselves about them. The author is a believer that trauma isn't something some of us experience, it's something we all experience. I agree. He also talks about the consensus that the way to deal with it is by leaning in -- feeling the feelings -- letting them be there whenever and whatever they are -- and accepting that trauma never really goes away -- it's a part of us -- but the extent to which it takes over our lives can and does shift.

When I was running my practice half marathon yesterday morning, two things helped ensure that I wasn't slowed by the back pain that has been holding me back for weeks:

1) The understanding that I came to after Friday's session that it isn't about my low back pain getting fixed or taken away but about me welcoming it as part of me, part of my present experience, not necessarily wrong or bad but just here, asking me to notice it, asking me to learn something, asking me to listen; and

2) The metaphor that my Pilates expert friend gave me for the spine that I won't do justice to but the gist of which was there are something akin to springs in the lower lumbar and all I need to do is let them bounce a little, let them move, rather than treating it like one big block.

Now, I was slowed by some IT band issues, so all is not copacetic with my runner's bod, but the fact that letting the back pain be there without judgement and letting it bounce a bit crossed it off the list of ailments felt pretty damn significant.

Before I sign off today, I want to return to that chorus for a moment:

I didn't want to hurt you oh yeah...
I didn't want to hurt you oh yeah...

So much of our pain, and trauma, is unintentionally inflicted upon us. In my view, it's our job, then, to:

1) Forgive others with compassion for their inability or unwillingness to behave in the manner in which we want to be treated (and likely they want to act);

2) Decide for ourselves how to deal with it when we are hurt -- both with the pain and with the person or the situation that is causing or exacerbating it.

And both of these, my friends, are ongoing processes...