The Seer's Tower

This morning something magical happened: my ipod alarm clock woke me up with this song instead of with the buzzer:

In the tower above the earth,
There is a view that reaches far...

I call it magic because try as I might, I can't figure out how to program it to do that, but once in a while, it just decides to wake me with a song, and I'm always grateful when it does.

A short while later, on my bike commute, I was thinking that there are a couple of reasons why this song is appropriate to mark this day:

1) The bride from the wedding where I met my beloved is a big fan of Sufjan Stevens, and she was a big fan of the two of us as a couple, too. I remember that when we broke up the first time, she sent me some of his songs. His peaceful voice was soothing then, and it's soothing now.

2) Loving someone totally and completely is a seer's tower with a view that reaches far -- it gives you a new perspective on many things about yourself, love, life -- it's one of the best parts about love, especially after the relationship ends (since there are other best things to appreciate while you're together).

As I rode, I started to think about all the ways in which my perspective has changed -- on a number of topics -- as a result of loving and being loved by my New Englander.

Here are as many as I can think of right now -- I am sure there are others (which I can always come back and add later):

*Men's heads: Bald can be beautiful too, baby, and does it ever feel good to rub a particularly well-shaped bald head. (Damn, I miss that head.)

*The purpose of parenting: This one might be tougher to explain, but basically, he added a nuance to my belief or understanding of the purpose of parenting. I've always felt my job as a parent was to nurture my children's spirits -- lovely, but it can come up a little shy in terms of helping form fully functional human beings. My love's focus was about helping them grow into the best adults they can be. So a practical way this might play out is that my son's spirit might lead him to flit around and avoid doing any chores but when he grows up that's going to make his roommates and/or mate pretty dang unhappy, so I'm better off pushing him to learn to deal with this aspect of life now in preparation for later. (Damn, I miss having his yang to balance out my yin.)

*Men's sexuality: Ladies, don't believe that libido has to fade over time -- there are men out there who can bring it, and bring it, and bring it, even in their mid-to-late forties (and I'm guessing long after that, too). Trust me, I had one of them in my grasp for three sweet years. (Damn, I miss that drive.)

*Bikes: Before I met my love I didn't fully appreciate the beauty of the two-wheeled machine in the way I do now. He introduced me to vastly superior bikes than those I was accustomed to riding and bought me probably the single biggest life-changing gift ever -- my road bike -- which I happily ride almost every single day (until I'm forced to get out the winter bike); he fixed my bikes and my kids' bikes; and he reintroduced me to the joys and challenges of mountain biking. (Damn, I miss those greasy fingers, riding around town with him, and watching him ride gleefully through the woods.)

*The relationship between brilliance and advanced degrees: I used to have a more narrow understanding of what constitutes a highly intelligent person. This dude might not have studied as much as some, but he knows and understands more than most. (Damn, I miss that vocabulary.)

*My body and my conception of beauty: I used to be all about being thin, but thanks to him, I've switched to being all about muscle, even if it means having a bigger butt or bigger thighs, and I feel more beautiful than ever. (Damn, I miss my body being appreciated.)

*Classic Rock: Not my favorite genre before my adoration for him began, but there's nothing quite like witnessing the sheer enjoyment of something in someone you love to help your own appreciation grow. (Damn, I miss that beautiful fist pumping in the air.)

Damn, I loved the view from that tower.

Sure wish we hadn't felt the need to climb back down, him because he couldn't abide it's location, and me because I couldn't abide being up there without him...