The Heart's a Lonely Hunter

One of the perks of watching a lot of Grey's Anatomy is that when I finally do turn off my computer to go to sleep, sometimes the characters go to sleep with me. And sometimes, like last night, that means steamy dreams full of hot sex with black doctors -- doesn't get much better than that.

Except that then I wake up. And there's no sexy black doctor in my bed. It's just me.

On my meditation cushion this morning, I'd barely gotten started when the tears came. Right off the heels of a meditation class last night, I tried to just label them tears and not assign a story to them. To let them be and let them pass. But that wasn't easy to do.

When I got home tonight, I finally decided to watch the DVD I've had for like a month now: Crazy, Stupid, Love. I think I've been avoiding it because I knew it would be hard to watch, that it would bring up feelings I don't particularly enjoy. I wasn't wrong about the feelings, but the movie had a lot going for it, including some good musical numbers.

This one, I think, is particularly appropriate for marking this day:

The truth is unspoken, a promise is broken
I'm under surveillance, they know what my name is
I need some protection, some love and affection
There's 1000 reasons but one is the number

Lucky for me, I'm in a place where I don't need protection (other than from the force for good in the Universe), and the love and affection I need I can get from family and friends.

But when I watch a movie about love, about that magical feeling, well, I can't really do anything other than mourn the loss of mine:

Welcome to my spaceship
It's beautiful forever
Well, she's right here where you left her
And the heart's a lonely hunter

Yes it is. Sometimes we may try to deny it. But hearts love. That's what they do. And when they lose their love, well, they can't help but go into lonely hunter mode.

Which reminds me, there was a P.S. to my note from the Universe:

"Did you know, Sarah, that hearts are never too big to mend, too small to rebound, or too tired to love?"

Yes Universe, I did know that. It just takes time...