Vulnerable

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm listening to The Power of Vulnerability on CD. I love the author, Brene Brown. I'm learning a lot that will help me both in my life in general as well as with being a parent.

I'm an emotional person, so it isn't particularly surprising that listening to it can bring out the tears, but man, did they start rolling today. She was talking about a time when her young child was dancing unselfconsciously in public, in kind of a goofy way, and seeing it made her love her daughter even more. She said as much to her husband, who said to her: "I love you like that." She asked what he meant, and he said: "When you're goofy, when you screw up -- I love you not in spite of those times but because of them." She was 41 at the time, and she said it had never occurred to her that an adult could love another adult in that way. She said she'd always felt like she had to cover those things up so that he'd continue to love her, and how much their marriage had changed since she had been able to embrace being vulnerable with him.

Such a beautiful story, definitely enough to make me tear up, but the flood that came out was related to the fact that I learned that lesson when I was 41 also, only I'm not married to the man who taught me that, and I'm not going to be.

Ooooof.

I'm going to be ok. I know I am. And I am grateful that I now understand about that kind of love, because I'm not going to settle for anything less.

Allowing myself to be vulnerable in that way was definitely worth it, but it makes the loss greater, there's just no getting around it.

I picked this song solely for the title, because it's how I'm feeling today:

Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in
Because it's cold outside, cold outside, it's cold outside
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Because it's cold inside, cold inside, it's cold inside

And you're slowly shaking finger tips
Show that you're scared like me so
Let's pretend we're alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don't care

Tell me, tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable
Impossible...